The Most Feared Couple Conversations

Sooner or later we have to deal with them, because an unimportant conversation ends up on that topic or because we want to clarify it directly. These are the most feared couple conversations with which, if we are not a bit skilled, we can end up opening a chasm in the relationship.

If the ideas are opposed and neither of them seems to want to give up, the relationship can also end. Therefore, we must not avoid such discussions, but ask ourselves what we want to convey and know how to express it in the most convenient way. What are the much feared couple conversations? And how should we deal with them so that they do not degenerate?

The most feared couple conversations

The exes: the past always comes back

“I don’t understand what you saw in him / her”. “How could you be with such a person?” These are some of the phrases often spoken when talking about the partner’s previous relationships. Innocent phrases, perhaps, but capable of opening Pandora’s box.

In order for these couple conversations not to become a real torment and turn into an argument, it is important to clarify the place that this / a ex occupies in the life of the partner. It is not the same if they have been married for years, if they have had children, or if they simply have had an affair for a few months.

The only way to know is to ask. Without getting upset, with sincerity and respect, seeking understanding. However, we must pay attention to three key aspects of the response that the partner will give.

• How he talks about the ex : with anger, pain, indifference, contempt… This will give valuable information about the feelings you currently have towards this person.

• If he tends to say his name in normal conversations : if he talks about previous experiences or moments with him / her and if he does it naturally and without giving you more importance than you deserve.

• If they keep in touch and how often : if they talk often and how they do it, if she is part of her group of friends, if she has deleted her phone number …

During these conversations, one must never forget to confine what belongs to the past to that dimension. On the other hand, we must not try to interpret the partner’s experiences starting from their own, certainly in most cases we would have acted differently in many aspects. If jealousy appears, it is good to remember that today he is with a person who completes him / her more. And this person is us.

The future: uncertainty suffocates

“Will you think I am the man / woman of your life?”, “Will you want to get married?”, “Will you want to start a family with me?”, “Will you be a good father?”, “Will the maternal instinct have awakened in you ? ”… These are some of the questions we ask ourselves when we start having a serious relationship.

Addressing these problems is by no means easy. It presupposes having to face a reality, which can please us and make us fall in love more. But it can also dislike us and deeply disappoint us.

Furthermore, if it is the partner who asks us these questions and we have not had time to mature the answers, in many cases it is possible to become paralyzed. The truth is, sometimes we don’t have the tools to stop the demons and fears of the past from turning back. And rather than answer, we’d rather dive into the ice. But let’s look at it this way: the sooner we know where we are, the more power we will have over our future. Uncertainty is not a good travel companion.

If there are differences or discrepancies regarding your future, it is good to have a dialogue about that. Even if it seems that our points of view are completely opposite. For example, children or non-children, agreements can be reached in all areas.

When it comes to planning for the future, it’s best to start with the things you think most similarly about and gradually increase the difficulty and identify what you are willing to give up on and what you don’t. What are our concessions and what are the points at which we are adamant. It is also necessary to learn to identify the concessions that best compensate for those of the partner, so that at the end of the agreement you can both be satisfied.

Sharing is living

Home, sweet home… Or not? If you have just moved in with your partner, very soon you will have to welcome shared expenses. Or rather, sharing everything.

Coexistence is difficult. Not just because it’s possible to erode the relationship due to daily friction, but because if both of you don’t do your part, any task can end up causing a clash. You can be the most loving, tender and attentive people, but if you don’t help with the housework… You have a problem!

And the biggest complication comes when it comes to talking about it. When we can’t take it anymore and everything makes us go crazy. It’s time to stop and say… “We need to talk. ” How should one deal with one of the most feared conversations in a couple? In a natural way.

You can start by listing all the weekly household chores to do (in case that is the problem). Those that your partner will propose will be those that he appreciates or considers essential, so this will also serve to get to know him better. Later they can be broken down so that they both like it. It is good that the initiative is shared at all times and that the agreement reached is recognized by both.

Conversations of feared couples are not to be avoided

As you can see, the secret  of all couple conversations is understanding and giving an agreed upon solution that is satisfactory for both of you. But this is not achieved overnight and it is not possible even if you do not know the person with whom you want to share your life.

A couple with a future is a couple who openly talk about all their anxieties, dreams, problems or worries. She is the one who does not try to avoid them or run away from them, she is the one who faces the differences knowing that there are terrains that require a lot of skill of expression and understanding.

A healthy relationship is built on trust, respect and joy. The best way to deal with the most delicate couple conversations is to remember these three ingredients. Only in this way will you be able to reach a point where the couple, and the two people on an individual level, will find themselves well in coexistence, the home of the relationship.