The Black Sheep Is Not Bad, It’s Just Different

Being the black sheep of the family isn’t easy. We break the equilibrium of the group and we are “the scapegoat” on which everyone projects the faults. Well, if you identify yourself in this situation, ask yourself the following question:  Would you really like to be part of a flock consisting only of white sheep?

As people, we are part of social groups: families, friends, work colleagues … For this reason, there is almost always an implicit norm: this belonging implies that we should make the same judgments, have the same values, etc. In fact, coincidence is usually considered an indicator of cohesion.

In psychology these people are referred to as “identified patients”. If we do not manage these situations properly, we will be the ones to show the symptoms of that dysfunctional family or that toxic environment.

Don’t allow it. If they point to you as black sheep, you learn to be proud of your ability to think differently. It’s just a privilege.

The black sheep effect

Henri Tajfel was a social psychologist famous for coining the concept of the “black sheep effect”. An idea with which we can undoubtedly identify, whether in the family or in any other social context:

According to the theory of social identity, the judgments that are made towards other groups are, in general, negative because we try to protect what it is,  what it defines, what it identifies  (my football team is the best, my class is the smartest, my family is the happiest …)

Well, in turn, it is common that there is a high demand for the members of one’s group. For example:  our father may criticize the neighbors and the way others raise their children. Obviously, he is strict and demanding with us because he aspires not to break that internal balance.

The black sheep effect tells us that more criticism and psychological pressure is exerted on the members of one’s group than those of the groups around us. Belonging to a social context, in some cases, is accompanied by domination and control.

When being the black sheep is a privilege

When you understand that you are the black sheep of the family, you have two choices: drown or fight back. Believe it or not, there are many people who, due to a very weak identity, accept emotional abuse, criticism and contempt.

People who are labeled as negative or different from the rest of the family members take on their skin the metaphor of a harmful and dysfunctional atmosphere. Despite this, the rest of the family members are in a comfortable situation, because they feel exempt from responsibilities: there is a status quo in which everyone has their role.

To avoid these extreme situations, in which our self-esteem is so mistreated, it is worth thinking in these terms:

Being different can be a threat to others, but not to you

As you exhibit a different way of thinking, dressing and living, others will begin to label you as the “black sheep” because they are aware of losing control over you.

• It is obvious that in all social groups, and in all families, there is a more problematic member than the others. Yet, it is common to use a single yardstick in the face of all behaviors that go beyond the limits of what is expected.
• You must understand that  black sheep are not born, in reality it is the surrounding social environment that transforms us for having dared to react,  this is in itself an act of courage.

Belonging to a “flock” does not give happiness: look for your way

In many cases, being the black sheep can be a privilege. To reach this conclusion, we need to get rid of many preconceptions:

• First preconception: you have no obligation to be the same as your parents, to think like your friends, to act as others expect of you.
• Second preconception:  feel good to have your personal values, to raise your voice above the rest of the group. The world is full of ideas, opinions and judgments. There is no universal truth and everyone must be able to form himself.
• Third preconception:  Accept others without hatred or resentment and accept yourself as a different part from them. Visualize that separation as a form of liberation. You will accept your family for what it is and if they act with the same wisdom, they will do the same.