Sentimental Detox: Overcoming A Breakup

During our life path it is possible that we will have to face several sentimental breakups. Whether it happens by one’s own decision or someone else’s, it is a process that usually generates the most disparate feelings. We can therefore say that sentimental detoxification is an indispensable step to heal the wounds produced by the end of a relationship.

A break can be that drop that overflows the camel’s back, that wound so deep that it makes us doubt everything and everyone, the sack in which resentment accumulates. In all these cases, it is not an easy process. It requires acceptance and elaboration of what has happened so that it does not hinder the future of the person who experiences it.

Covering the pain and trying to ignore it may work for a short time, but filling our vital pack with unhealed wounds is not the best way to move forward. Sooner or later, they may reopen in circumstances and with people who have nothing to do with their origin.

The different responses to a sentimental breakup

There are individual differences and circumstances that mediate and, in many cases, define how we will cope with the end of a relationship. Age, vital moment, self-esteem, personality or personal involvement are just some of the variables involved.

On the other hand, if we are satisfied with the relationship and the breakup is not foreseeable, we will most likely begin to feel very bad about ourselves and the circumstances. When a relationship has not been healthy, however, the person who ends it usually has very pleasant feelings about the breakup.

Personal reactions to the breakup can also lead to certain behaviors and give way to highly negative mental states, favoring somewhat dysfunctional coping strategies. From extreme emotional distress, deceptive and unhealthy behaviors in an attempt to return at all costs with the partner to revenge.

The rupture of identity

Sentimental breakups are accompanied by two clearly distinct groups of emotions. On the one hand, some people experience heartache, confusion, sadness, and loneliness that can lead to frustration and even anger.

At the other extreme we find emotions such as freedom, relief, empowerment and optimism. In most of these cases the person exhibits considerable resilience over time.

In both scenarios, however, an identity breakdown occurs. The reconstruction of the ego without the other person is necessary on both sides. For this reason, it is wrong to think that it is easier for the person who made the decision.

The breakdown of identity is the same for both, and in many cases the person who decides to end a relationship is making an unwanted decision or not made by the partner, which is why he bears a double responsibility.

Steps of sentimental detox

Who am I without you?

This is the first step in the process of overcoming a romantic breakup. Self-concept is one of the constructs that is most damaged in these cases.

During a couple relationship, the feeling of the ego remains, in many cases, united with the other person. This is a basic relationship mistake, even when the relationship may seem to be going well.

In any case, when it comes to dealing with a romantic breakup, first of all it is necessary to accept that the situation has changed and we along with it. It makes no difference whether it was voluntary or not.

Addressing change is the first step. As in any other painful process, you need to know that things will never be the same and that we will never be the same people.

In many ended couple relationships, in addition to the emotional connotations, the scenario undergoes a drastic alteration of the routine. And we humans are animals of habit. Seeing ourselves forced to replace our most basic routines requires an intelligent combination of decision and will.

Self-concept damaged or healed

In general, when dealing with a breakup, it is advisable to analyze the relationship in terms of identity creation and self-concept.

The breakup will tend to seriously damage self-concept if the relationship helped us to forge a better concept of ourselves, if it helped us grow as people and revealed important parts of our nature to us; generating a sort of latent dependence in this evolution.

Conversely, if the relationship we had didn’t allow us to fully express ourselves as people, didn’t help us grow, or stifled our nature, the breakup can offer us feelings of rediscovering ourselves. In this case, the sentimental detox process can be experienced with great relief.

Writing helps you get the right perspective

Dr. Lewndowski has conducted some research in order to find effective ways to heal the wounds of romantic breakups. Writing about our feelings while dealing with the end of a relationship has proved to be an excellent strategy for dealing with and detoxing sentimental. It’s not about writing a diary of tragedies, it’s actually simpler.

This technique consists of three stages. The first is to reflect, through the sheet of paper, on the factors that we believe led to the rupture. Analyze them after writing them and evaluate to what extent they have influenced our identity and our self-concept. In a second phase we write about the consequences of the breakup, a few days after it took place. And in the third phase we write about the consequences of the breakup a few weeks later.

Ultimately, it’s about focusing on more than just sadness and negative feelings. Writing about the events that occur helps us to understand what happened more clearly.

The withdrawal syndrome in sentimental detoxification

The chemical transformation that occurs in our brains due to the pain of a breakup is reminiscent of the way the brain of an addict who cannot obtain the object of his addiction evolves.

Research by anthropologist Hellen Fisher suggests that mesolimbic reward and survival systems are active during romantic passion. This is another extremely important point during sentimental detox.

Understanding that there is a physical part that will be affected for some time helps to manage this kind of emotional withdrawal syndrome. Understanding that these are purely physical symptoms that reduce and eliminate over time also helps to overcome this phase.

When is it advisable to start a new relationship?

There is a generalized idea that a new relationship after a breakup is not good and will not end well. However, the truth is that the results of studies that have analyzed this idea show us that engaging in a later relationship sooner or later depends more on trust in your new partner than on how you feel about your ex.

It seems that the time between one relationship and another does not predict the success or failure of the second. Sometimes these “rebound” relationships help resolve personal conflicts created by the previous relationship’s breakup. The truth is, it all depends on how we feel emotionally.