Intolerance To Failure: 5 Ways To Fight It

There are people who cannot bear any kind of setback or annoyance. When they don’t fulfill their desires, they experience severe malaise. When their projects fail, we can see in them a marked form of intolerance to failure. This also happens when they experience unpleasant sensations or feelings.

L ‘ intolerance failure causes feelings of frustration . These feelings are not pleasant for anyone. Nevertheless, life is not perfect. Who wouldn’t like things to happen just the way they were planned? However, the reality is different. “Life is not the way we want it to be, life is the way it is”. While this statement is true, many people don’t believe it.

We want everything immediately, without waiting. In addition, what we want must happen in a way that is pleasing or satisfactory to our interests. Yes, we believe that this is how it should be. Or at least that’s what many believe. In the light of this way of thinking, they construct the schemes (representations of the world) with which they work.

Life is not how we want it to be, life is the way it is

We have all heard expressions such as: “You must be happy” or “You must not be sad” more than once. When using the verb “duty”, you have to be very careful. You may wonder why. Because nothing has to be in a certain way. Things are as they are, even if we think they must be different. The “duty” can motivate or dissuade a change, in any case it does not produce it.

If we think otherwise, we will spend our time jumping from one dissatisfaction to another, and from frustration to frustration. Let’s think, for example, what our life should be like. Should we have a perfect, pleasant, pleasant and successful life? No! It shouldn’t be for the simple fact that it really isn’t. We can scramble to chase a perfect life for the sake of improving it. However, we must tolerate that we will never reach that goal.

Our lives move around infinite shades of gray. They are hardly black or white, perfect or nefarious. If this is the reality, why do we persist in thinking otherwise?

Duty, a dangerous enemy

What does the verb “duty” mean? According to the dictionary, duty means “to be obliged to do something by divine law, natural or positive”. We believe that the sun rises every day, although this does not always ensure good weather.

When we decide that something has to be a certain way, we are imposing something. We are saying that everyone around us (people, animals, objects, etc.) must satisfy a certain premise. What we say, as if we were dictators of universal laws. The truth is that as much as we mask our desires with this formula (possibility -> obligation), things will continue to happen at a similar rate (unless we implement other changes).

Because? Because regardless of how much we repeat it, if the medium does not recognize the obligation we are imposing, it is useless. It makes us feel frustrated, smaller and wretched. The world does not obey us!

On the other hand, there are people who say: “You must be a good person” or “You must not suffer for this”. Attention! Danger! Where is it written that we must act according to the criteria that according to others define a good person? Sometimes we will be good people for others, other times not. Sometimes we will suffer for something, other times not.

Duty is at the root of intolerance to failure

Failure intolerance is a major cause of malaise. Let’s think of a child who pisses off because he hasn’t been bought the ice cream he likes so much. He cries, stamps his feet, screams and gets angry. It is not yet clear in the child’s mind that things don’t always happen the way he wants. For this it is necessary to teach him to channel his emotions.

As adults we should have learned to tolerate disobeying reality. Everything does not always go as we have imagined, however noble our goals are. The goodness or evil of a desire does not increase the chances of it happening.

For some people, however, imperatives like “You must …” have been an integral part of their education. Other people have acquired intolerance to failure by induction, or experiences or things that have happened have led them to adopt this way of thinking.

The great psychologist Albert Ellis said the following: “The calmer person craves what he wants, does it appropriately, and gets annoyed if his desires are not met. The most agitated person demands, insists, rules and dogmatically orders that his desires be satisfied. When this does not happen, he feels a deep sense of anguish, depression and hostility ”.

As we see, there is nothing wrong with getting upset about something that doesn’t happen the way we want. What is unhealthy is to demand, insist, and order as if it were a dogma.

People suffering from bankruptcy intolerance

People suffering from failure intolerance have learned to think and behave in a certain way. They have created a whole series of beliefs that affect their way of seeing the world and interpreting reality. These beliefs are as follows:

• They believe that it is imperative that life is always easy and comfortable.
• They confuse a desire with a need.

• They must always get everything they want.
• They think that any difficulty, waiting, failure, is too horrible to bear.

5 tips to combat bankruptcy intolerance

Even if we have been educated in terms of “duty” or have ideas similar to those mentioned above, there are some ways to combat intolerance of failure.

Recognize irrational ideas

When you are frustrated, try to analyze what you are saying to yourself.  What are your thoughts? Be aware of them and put them in writing.

It is very likely that words like “should”, “always”, “never”, “can’t stand it”, etc. will appear in your inner dialogues . These are the causes of your suffering.

Change irrational ideas

Once you have identified what you are saying to yourself that is not helping you, it is time to change the way you speak to yourself. It is a process that takes a lot of time and energy, but it is worth it.

Try using words like “I would like”, “it’s hard but I can handle it”, “sometimes”, etc. It is a question of replacing irrational ideas with more flexible ones.

Deal with situations that are not tolerated

Exposing yourself to situations that cause frustration can be a good strategy. Make a list of these situations and write down how they affect you.

Once traced, commit to addressing them. Generate these situations and do nothing to avoid the discomfort they cause you. Over time, your tolerance will increase and you will get better and better.

If possible, prevent it from happening again

It may seem simplistic, but sometimes we remain static in front of problems. Instead, practical solutions must be proposed so that situations do not get out of control and become frustrating.

Distinguish a desire from a need

It is one thing to need a bigger house, it is quite another to want it. When we need something and we don’t get it, then it creates discomfort. If, on the other hand, it is only a preference or a desire, even if we may feel a certain form of discomfort, it will certainly be milder.

There are few things we really need in life. Distinguishing what we need from what we would like to have or would like to happen is key to avoiding feelings of failure or failure.

In life it is very difficult to avoid difficulties and frustrations. We all fail sometimes, it’s part of our life and it’s completely normal. For this, we must learn to manage frustration and allow ourselves to fail. In this way we will have a more reality oriented life and we will feel better.