Forgiveness: A Tough Decision

Forgiving is a liberating and impactful act, but often very difficult to carry out. People are not always willing to forgive, which makes this gesture even more courageous.

There are many circumstances that can lead us to forgive someone. One forgives after being disappointed, after being hurt … Well, forgiveness is made up of many more facets than one might believe.

Not accepting the other’s request for forgiveness leads to a feeling of resentment towards one or more people. This does no good, as you are overwhelmed by a series of difficult-to-manage negative emotions.

Forgive

We often think that forgiving involves admitting that the other person is right. There is nothing more wrong. Forgiveness does not mean giving reason to the other, but rather freeing oneself from the bitterness that binds us.

Furthermore, forgiveness is a totally personal and independent decision. When you make a mistake, you ask for forgiveness; if you feel bad after committing a negative gesture, you ask for forgiveness. The choice of whether or not to grant that forgiveness is entirely in the hands of the other person. Of course, sincerity comes first.

To understand a little better what forgiveness really consists of, that is the act of forgiving whoever performs a negative act and has regretted it, it is necessary to discover something more about this “disinterested” action.

Today we will discover what is the true meaning of forgiving without harboring any hatred, but at the same time without forgetting. Accepting another person’s apology must be able to free us, so it is good to know him thoroughly.

Forgiving does not mean justifying the other

When we forgive, we do not do it as a consequence of another’s actions: it is not a justification for his behavior. The act of forgiving has to do with one’s own way of responding, rather than with the actions of the other.

Forgiveness is not forgetting either

People believe that, after being forgiven, everything goes into oblivion, but that’s not true. The lived experience was difficult, bitter, and as such it should not be forgotten. But let’s not confuse the action of not forgetting with resentment, a dark feeling that can take possession of the heart of those who truly do not forgive.

When you forgive, even if you don’t forget, you feel an inner peace that makes you free and makes you feel good ; there is no room for resentment and hatred. Everything is in balance.

Forgiveness is not minimizing, but healing that pain

The goal of forgiveness is to heal a pain that has been caused to us, and that inevitably hurts us. We are emotional beings, it is normal to feel pain. Forgiving will, however, be like freeing that being we held prisoner, discovering that it was only about ourselves.

To forgive is to close with the past

Sometimes we are so focused on some events of the past that we are unable to look to the future, and even less to concentrate on the present.

For this reason, when we forgive, without forgetting, we do not hold any grudges,  because we choose to close the door to the past and turn to the future. We really release any negative emotion present in us, since it is normal to feel disappointment, frustration, anger …

And you, do you know how to forgive? Not everyone is capable of it, since it is a gesture that requires great inner strength, in addition to the ability to release the fear of being disappointed again.

In life you will meet many people who will harm you, whether it is a partner, a child, a family, a friend… They will always be there, don’t forget that. For this reason, it is necessary to learn to forgive: there is no other remedy than to accept that people will make us suffer. You too will harm others (sometimes unconsciously) and you will want to be forgiven.

Images courtesy of Kim Joone