A Lot Of People Won’t Like What I Do, But Who Cares?

Don’t do it, don’t get stressed, don’t embitter your existence because what you do will not be good for many people. But what does it matter? Stopping worrying about what isn’t important means gaining mental health and ending the endless thoughts that rob us of energy and tranquility.

We must admit it: this constancy in offering ourselves to others is almost an instinctive gesture in many of us. It is like a psychic curtain that for a long time has played a specific role in the human being, that of making him accept in the group. Those who think different things or act in the name of healthy selfishness are often isolated from the flock of white sheep. And this, for many people, can be traumatic.

However, ironic as it may seem, offering yourself every day and totally to others does nothing but damage our self-esteem and annihilate our hopes. There are as many absolute complacents in the world as there are unscrupulous plunderers. Individuals prepared almost instinctively to benefit from people for whom the word “no” does not exist or is forbidden by their conscience.

Believe it or not, the need to continually adapt to other people’s expectations is also a form of self-aggression. Little by little, we enter a complex dynamic in which we must discover that they are manipulating us, that saying “yes” has become an uncontrollable reflex. Frustration degenerates into anger, anger into disconsolation and disconsolation into nervous depression.

Nothing is as bleak as turning into our own enemy for not daring to practice healthy selfishness. We propose that you reflect with us on this topic.

Whatever you do will not do well in the eyes of many

Obsessing ourselves to fulfill every expectation of our partner, our family and our boss drains our mental strength. Our emotional and psychological resources dwindle and we begin to develop a type of existential anemia in which the fabric of our self-esteem becomes severely frayed.

The most complex aspect is that this heavy sacrifice is not always rewarded. Not everyone knows the principle of reciprocity or values ​​our efforts; nevertheless we continue to invest energy in it. This mental dedication knows no holidays or rest at the end of the day.

The psychic overload that the complacent individual has to endure intensifies with obsessive thoughts and tormented inner dialogues dominated by phrases such as “if I don’t do this, maybe …”, “I have to do it well because if it doesn’t come to perfection it is possible that … “.

There is an essential aspect that must be kept in mind: this constant stress, caused by our obsession with making more commitments than we can manage, often degenerates into a cycle of depression. Albert Ellis, famous cognitive psychotherapist, reminds us that this deep suffering is not caused only by people who ask us, who demand perfection and poisoned favors: it is we, with our irrational beliefs, who increase a suffering that could otherwise be avoided.

One of these irrational beliefs is to think that the approval of others determines us as people. It is possible that as children they explained this to us. However, growing, maturing and evolving means getting closer to yourself to discover that the only person we don’t have to miss is us.

Therefore, it is good to understand as soon as possible that, whatever we do, there will be many who will not look favorably on it. By doing so, we will be able to fall asleep with a clear conscience, without burdens and without anxieties. It’s a terrific way to improve your quality of life.

Whatever you do, make sure it makes you happy

It doesn’t matter if you’re not particularly funny when you make jokes, if you’ve refused to do the faculty your parents dreamed of, if your friends can be counted on the fingers of one hand, or if you laugh very ridiculously. None of this matters if you keep your essence intact, if you are yourself in every word you say and gesture done.

If you have the courage to put aside complacency, the authentic, full and wonderful essence will emerge that you all carry within. And if someone doesn’t like it, let them take another path. Because as long as there is respect, there will be coexistence. However, as we explained earlier, the first step is to respect yourself.

Below we explain how to do it.

How to stop being a complacent person

A complacent person is one of the most loving beings there is. Others know this well and often take advantage of it. All of this is explained in the book “Healthy Selfishness: How to Take Care of Yourself Without Feeling Guilty” by Richard and Rachel Heller; in the same text, the mental and physical exhaustion to which these behavioral profiles lead is described.

• The first step to stop feeding this self-denial towards others is to find ourselves again. There are people who spend so much time helping, caring for others and pleasing them that they have completely forgotten their passions and wills, or what identified them.

• Once we are aware of our interests and desires, the second step is to start practicing healthy selfishness. For this purpose, we must remember this rule: we must remember to say “yes” without fear and “no” without guilt.

It won’t be easy at first. These instinctive gestures will not disappear overnight. However, keep this simple advice in mind: let a few minutes pass between the request and your response and try to make your actions happy.

Only then will you stop being complacent.

Images courtesy of Isabelle Arsenault, Kristin Vestgard