Repressing Negative Emotions Doesn’t Make Them Go Away

Our culture usually recommends avoiding and even repressing negative emotions. The concept is that the less we show them, the better because that way we will start trying them less. In short, we tend to think that the ideal is to avoid them.

Fear, anger, resentment, shame or guilt are not welcome. They are badly seen. And although at first glance it is better to get rid of what does not suit us, in reality ignoring it or repressing it is not advisable.

We must express negative emotions, leave them free without letting ourselves be carried away by them, otherwise they could end up dominating our behavior.

What happens to the dust accumulated under the carpet?

Imagine that your negative emotions are a thin – or thick – layer of dust on the floor. If we hid it under the carpet, it would be invisible at first and we could go on with our everyday life.

You know it’s under the carpet, but since you don’t see it, it probably won’t bother you. The days go by and every time the dust reappears, go back to hiding it under the carpet.

And so, a little more accumulates every day. You know this, but since you don’t see it, you will probably decide to act as if nothing happened.

How long do you think you will be able to keep hiding the fact that you are hiding an increasingly thick layer of dust under the carpet?

Will it take a long time for everything you have to be born under there? Do you think it will take some time before you stumble on that mountain your carpet has turned into?

Accumulating negative emotions – like that dust you hide under the carpet – only postpones the inevitable. At some point all of those emotions will eventually manifest and it may even be that they do it all together, exploding in unison.

Emotions should not be hidden, but managed

Emotions are a fundamental part of our daily life. Whether you are cheerful because you are watching something fun or you are getting frustrated by traffic, the other and lows you may experience significantly affect well-being.

Also, your ability to handle emotions can have some impact on how others perceive you. First, don’t forget that depending on how we evaluate our experiences, we will respond in a certain way on an emotional level.

Let us not forget that some of these do not require particular management, provided they are suitable for the situation in which they are tried.

For example, expressing anger can make us feel better, but it is usually neither appropriate nor particularly adaptive in many cases. The point is to find a way to express it respectfully, calmly and accepting it.

How to control negative emotions

Being able to have some influence and emotions increases confidence in one’s ability to deal with them.

First, to manage a negative emotion it is important to start identifying a situation in which it occurs and try to avoid the triggers.

In other cases, the solution is to avoid certain people in certain situations or to find a way to calm down and achieve a state of peace of mind before facing the threatening situation.

The next step is to change the situation : once identified, try to modify it in such a way that those factors that trigger negative emotions do not take place. Keep in mind that this change will have to come from yourself.

For example, you may have to change your expectations of a situation, lower them; or you may need to take a loving, understanding and empathetic gaze.

It will also be very useful to change the subject of our attention. That is: instead of focusing on what you already know are triggers of negative emotions, focus on other aspects that you like.

Try not to focus too much on what you don’t like, but on what makes you feel good, for which you might be grateful.

Changing the way we think without repressing emotions

Another aspect to take into account in order to control negative emotions is to change thoughts. These are at the heart of our deepest emotions; the place where the beliefs that drive them live.

Keep in mind that changing your thoughts may not change the situation, but at least it will allow you to change the way we think the situation is affecting us.

Finally, you can try to change the way you react to negative emotions. If your emotional management mechanisms are not working and they are manifesting in an uncontrolled way, the final step is to try to control the response. This will help you not to repress negative emotions because it will push you to regulate them.

Here, identifying the physical signal that determines the activation of a given emotion is a useful step. Acting on that gesture or reaction will help you control your response.

We could do this through simple gestures, such as taking a deep breath or closing your eyes; gestures that, moreover, are useful in managing anger.

Remember that emotions are yours, so you are primarily responsible for managing them. The ultimate responsibility for your behavior is yours alone and for this very reason it is essential to be aware of the fact that no one is as guilty as you of the way you respond to yourself on an emotional level.