Nobody Makes Us Angry, We Get Angry Because We Lose Control

Let’s start by saying that anger is not negative from all points of view, in fact it can sometimes be decisive for oxygenating the body. However, there is a very fine line that divides this perspective from another that reflects our inability to control ourselves.

Today we will talk about this most negative aspect: what emerges with anger and anger, showing our dark side. In this sense, when we get angry, we have a voluntary, therefore avoidable, reaction to a provocation : nobody makes us angry, we get angry.

The anger that leads to anger confuses us

Broadly speaking and summing up the introduction, anger stops being positive when it becomes toxic as we can no longer control it. The problem arises when we stop being in control and surrender it to anger : the feeling invades us and clouds our reason.

The consequence of the loss of reason is to move away from the path of discussion forgetting the real reasons why we are annoyed. Anger and rage become the guides of our movements and this can lead us to make mistakes.

An error that then involves repentance for having spoken more than necessary and for having done it in a bad way. A mistake because we get angry for the benefit of arrogance and selfishness (we don’t listen and look down). Ultimately, when we get angry, we find ourselves in a place without knowing exactly how we got there or why. A place where, among other things, we don’t want to be.

Trust that there are other ways to deal with situations

What to do then? This question arises spontaneously since we are aware that the negative charge of anger is difficult to neutralize. Then, we need to be able to trust that we can find other ways of dealing with situations. Due to some circumstances, such as constant stress, getting angry becomes almost a habit. Whether this is the situation or not, one option is to look for other tools that prepare us psychologically and emotionally for conflict.

The main strategy is to know that at any moment something could happen that causes us to alter and, therefore, accept it as a possibility. Arguments cannot cease to exist, as well as the feeling of irritability that invades us when we immerse ourselves in a conflict.

However, knowing our weak points, the ones that hurt, will help us manage discussions when necessary. In this case, we can let off steam by writing, throwing everyone out with techniques like yoga or cultivating a more positive perspective of the world where the protagonist is a sense of humor, etc.

The paradoxical lack of control over what is controllable

As we have anticipated, it is true that in a conflict with a person the action-reaction situation is generated and it is difficult to control oneself. In the end, however, we are the masters of anger. In this sense, each of us is master of his own emotions and attitudes and, paradoxically, cannot control them. 

On the one hand it seems that there are people more likely to get angry than others: they exalt themselves with greater intensity than others (they shout, show bad mood and insult each other more easily). On the other hand, it is common to express through anger other negative feelings considered worse from the point of view of society, such as envy.

We make mistakes: anger is part of our human nature, but it is good to know how to control ourselves to avoid leaving it the fate of the game. Ultimately, it is best to try to avoid anger and its synonyms, products of frustration.