Assertive Communication: Express Yourself Without Feeling Guilty

Assertive communication is not as easy to practice as we  think , as it can be accompanied by a sense of guilt in expressing what we really want to say.

How many times have you been silent to avoid feeling guilty?  This happens when we are afraid of that assertiveness which, in reality, leads to a clear expression of what we want or think; this often presupposes disagreement or criticism on the part of our interlocutors, since what we say does not correspond to what they would like to hear and does not guarantee a peaceful environment.

The word assertiveness is related to security.  The feeling of tranquility, of being able to say what you think at the exact moment you want to express it. Probably, on more than one occasion, you have kept something to yourself that you wanted to express instead. This is not assertiveness, but insecurity.

It is clear that our words can offend, dislike or be interpreted as a real insult. The important thing is to know how to express them without the intention of hurting others, even if the person in front of you probably does not want to hear what you are saying.

The truth hurts, knowing the opinions of others is sometimes unpleasant, but we must learn to fight against the habit of keeping quiet,  when, in reality, we would like to express ourselves.

Social approval affects us so much that, often, a person who has always talked a lot suddenly expresses himself cautiously.  This way, he avoids seeing his words rejected and receiving “no” synonyms for disapproval. Assertive communication is therefore left in the second or even third place, causing absence in any interaction.

Is it difficult to be assertive? If you are confident people, with great communication skills, it will surely be easy for you to communicate assertively. The opposite will happen if you are easily manipulated, insecure and emotionally unstable people.

Characteristics of assertive people

Do you want to find out if you are an assertive person? If your communication is assertive? Here are the qualities that assertive people have in common:

• They clearly express their wishes and feelings,  regardless of whether they are positive or negative.
• They solve problems according to their own criteria, not according to those of others.
• They clearly say “no” and without making excuses.  
• They don’t lie and they don’t argue.
• They accept criticism  and understand the point of view of others.
• They come to agreements, offer alternatives, negotiate.

If you have identified with these characteristics, you are an assertive person; if, otherwise, you are not, let’s see below how to bring out the assertiveness that is in you, but that you hide well.

Trust yourself

Confidence in yourself will be the first step in being able to express what you really want.  Only you can find confidence in yourself, as it is born and resides there within you.

However, in addition to trusting and being sure of yourself, you need to know which guidelines to follow in order to be able to really express what you want and which, often, does not correspond to what others want to hear. Let’s see them together!

• Feel good about yourself: because you have the right to decide, to express yourself, to have your own ideas and thoughts.
• Be confident in your ability to choose:  because you have the right to choose what you want and want.
• Convey conviction and firmness: if you don’t, others will try to manipulate you and you will fall into the trap of non-assertiveness. Be sure of what you want, so that the same confidence is passed on to others.

• Respect the opinions of others:  because any opinion is respectable and one is not always better than another if they are consistent. Nobody should impose their opinion.

These are just some of the things you need to keep in mind if you want to start communicating assertively. However, keep in mind that you must be aware of the moment, find the right one, consider the sensitivity of others and control your emotions  so as not to be too aggressive.

Say what we want without feeling guilty

If you succeed in this, you will get a big advantage: you can express what you feel without feeling guilty. Something that we should all do, without feeling like bad people or obliged to always say what others want to hear. Assertive communication frees us from feelings of guilt. 

Release the assertiveness that is in you, always being empathetic with your interlocutor. Be sensitive and express what you want as best you can, without feeling guilty and without hurting others. Assertive communication is within you. Use it!