Say Goodbye To Victimhood
Saying goodbye to victimhood once and for all is the secret to living an exciting and happy life. Nobody likes to be a victim, yet assuming this role in a fictitious way can bring some advantages that we hardly know how to give up. It seems, for example, that when in such a position, it is legitimate to ask for attention and care that in a normal context we would not be able to claim.
Life often turns out to be hard and difficult to deal with, for us as for everyone else. Adversity affects everyone, who before and who after. Some are harder and others more bearable, but obstacles are still an integral part of this gift of life.
In other words, we don’t have the ability to choose what life has in store for us; all we can do is make more or less right decisions, but nothing guarantees freedom from pain. What is really in our hands is the choice of how to deal with problems.
When you are nailed to victimhood
We all know someone who complains all the time about everything by assuming the role of the injured or damaged person, always blaming others or the whole world, but doing very little to get out of that cesspool into which he has apparently sunk. Does it remind you of anything?
These are people nailed to victimhood, or the tendency to think that they are unfortunate, that they are the preferred target of bad luck and convinced that everyone else is angry with them and wants to do them some harm – even if reality says so. otherwise. Sometimes these people are really convinced of this due to a perceptual distortion, other times it is a simple simulation.
The people around her will try in vain to help her, only consolidating that person’s pessimistic attitude. In the end the pain will afflict everyone, even if the one who will suffer the most will be the same victim who, after all, does not cease to feel bad about herself. He often suffers from low self-esteem and believes that only by assuming the role of the victim can he deserve affection and attention.
How do you recognize a victimist person?
He wants others to recognize that he is suffering
When the people next to him try to help him, the victim feels attacked, since in reality he only wants others to consolidate his state, in other words, to comfort him with words such as “poor thing”, “life there. ‘has with you ”or“ you are really a wretch, what a bad luck you have ” . When you try to encourage her to take the reins of her life and start looking for solutions, she gets offended and thinks that no one understands her or is able to put themselves in her shoes.
Blame others and life
As mentioned before, even if life is inevitably also made up of obstacles, it is also true that there are categories of people who get depressed easily and others who are able to go on and live normally even if hit by much greater adversity.
Blaming others and the world will do nothing but keep the problem alive or reconfirm the role of victim. People with a victim attitude do not seek solutions to overcome adversity, but spend time protesting because life is unfair and they are unfortunate, to the point of exhausting themselves and others.
They emotionally manipulate others
This is a widely used strategy in these cases, since provoking a sense of sadness in others will make it easier to obtain certain privileges.
Some phrases that can come to mind to confirm this are: “I raised you since childhood and now you go away from home and leave me alone”, “If you get a good grade, mom will get well”. In this way, the other begins to feel responsible for the emotional state of the victim and will do everything to please her, even going so far as to violate his own rights and needs.
How to treat these people?
It’s simple: don’t play their game. By getting caught up in the blackmail and complaints of the victim, he does nothing but consolidate his attitude and worsen the situation instead of helping her. Unfortunately, putting all this into practice is not easy at all, as our culture teaches us from an early age to feel compassion for those who suffer and to help others, even putting our own interests in the background, but it does not have to be so for force.
Anyone would give up in front of her complaint and look after her, yet it is not the right solution because it will only serve to confirm the fact that she is unable to solve the problem by herself, continuing to complain without changing anything. It is difficult, but when a victim attitude is identified, it is good to try not to give in and go to the aid of that person without consolidating his behavior.
We can tell her that we are there to seek a solution together, but not to the problem of which the person believes he is a victim, but the real one we see; that we are there to get out of this position, but not to listen to his complaints or to be infected by his negativity. Otherwise, the person will never be aware that their strategy is not working and that they should think about changing.
