Chronic Self-sacrifice: When Too Much Is Given

Experiencing a condition of chronic self-sacrifice could lead us to lose ourselves and carry serious risks. As human beings, it can be normal for us to invest our time and energy in people or causes that wear us out more than we can bear.

Thinking, therefore, that personal beliefs and values ​​are not sacrificed for the wishes and opinions of others can be a rather naive idea.

Self-denial and surrender to the ideas and needs of others are factors that, as we observe in collective dynamics, seem to worry us less than they should.

What is chronic self-sacrifice?

Sacrificing ourselves for others and giving them a large part of ourselves – often unconditionally – presupposes two realities that can hardly be denied:

• The need to overcome a conflict between one’s own values ​​and those of the person for whom one is sacrificing.

• Acceptance of the waiver. It means giving up your ideas, needs and desires.

Sacrifice arises when, in interacting with another person or in a particular situation, we have to renounce personal good and attention to ourselves. Self-sacrifice goes further, because it involves the delivery of a part of ourselves to others.

Since self-sacrifice usually leads to the denial of the satisfaction of certain personal needs or desires, as well as some pleasures and goals, we essentially find ourselves giving up a valuable and important part of ourselves. We renounce our dignity and even our identity.

Altruism, although usually a trait appreciated by society, can take an extreme form when self-sacrifice exceeds in quantity and duration, or even when the well-being of the person sacrificing himself is affected. Sometimes, therefore, it can be dysfunctional or maladaptive for the totally indulging person.

When self-sacrifice becomes pathological altruism

The list of examples of self-sacrifice is endless. From people who sacrifice themselves relentlessly for a specific cause, to parents who give their lives for their children, to people who give everything for their partner by putting their happiness and well-being at stake.

But when self-sacrifice becomes chronic and represents the only way to relate and face life – and it does not happen only towards a single event or a specific person – you risk losing your essence.

Chronic self-sacrifice could be a form of pathological altruism, or giving too much of ourselves, when the person stops valuing himself and, therefore, ceases to be his priority relegating the ego to the background.

This devaluation that a person gives to himself can lead to a situation in which his own needs tend to never be met and always depend on the needs of others. This could result in negative feelings about yourself.

This situation can affect a person’s conscience to the point of reversing the scale of his values ​​and modifying his rational judgment and self-esteem. In short: chronic self-sacrifice can take away from the person those factors that define his essence as an individual.

How do i know if i suffer from chronic self-sacrifice?

There are some signs that allow us to find out if ours is a case of chronic self-sacrifice. Among these, the most important are:

• The amount of help we give is not sustainable over time. We find that we don’t have enough time, energy or resources for ourselves to help others.

• When we prioritize our wants, needs or opinions, we tend to feel guilty.

• Sometimes we feel a great emotional emptiness due to the lack of satisfaction of our need for love, affection and attention.

• We always feel we have to make sacrifices to make others happy.

• Our sacrifices become an obligation to ourselves, whereas initially we made them voluntarily.

• We often get surprised when we say yes, even knowing the most appropriate answer was no.

One strategy proposed by some authors (such as Ayn Rand) to counter the chronic self-sacrifice tendency, which is usually reinforced by society, is to strengthen one’s moral ambition.

One of the most effective antidotes for not falling into chronic self-sacrifice is to really take care of your own interests. The solution could be to practice, as it were, a form of controlled, rational and non-aggressive selfishness. If we can avoid it, why not try not to fall into chronic self-sacrifice?