Overcoming Fears? Let’s Talk To The Expert

Psychologist Rafael Santandreu invites us to reflect on our fears from the point of view of cognitive psychology. The aim is to overcome fears, to defuse the thought patterns that go against our happiness.

We keep in mind that this therapeutic current is one of the most effective, as well as the one that has the most solid scientific evidence. Well, a really interesting aspect that this well-known psychologist reports to us is that we can overcome the fears that torment us.

The goal is ambitious, many will say that it is even impossible. Yet, if we were to give a definition of happiness, we would say that it is essentially the absence of fears. Because our fears, our daily worries stop the impulses, extinguish the potential and relegate us to spaces where the sun of happiness does not shine.

Interview with Rafael Santandreu: how to overcome fears

Rafael Santandreu invites us to face our fears to understand that they are nothing but wrong thoughts, distorted ideas that in some cases feed on false needs.

We can all eliminate these unwanted guests from our minds. And cognitive psychology is the right tool to do that. Let’s begin!

In your book you tell us that it is possible to overcome fears: is this really so?

Yes. Fear is an emotion that comes from more or less rational beliefs and that we all feel. Certainly there are certain fears that prevent us from moving forward, that hinder our personal growth and that, in a certain sense, limit us. It is the fruit of inappropriate ideas or irrational beliefs.

The good news is that when we eliminate these misconceptions, fears vanish. This is how cognitive or thinking psychology works. By reasoning right, we can say goodbye to our fears forever!

A few examples?

Fear of public speaking. Many people have this fear and this is due to the fact that we think it would be “horrible” not to be brilliant, it would make us feel insecure. I don’t think that’s the case, so I don’t have this fear anymore.

It’s just fine for me to look bad at a conference. Absolutely nothing can happen. I will continue to be as proud of myself and happy as ever.

Incredible as it may seem, my stress is now zero and so my nerves are calm before I speak in public. I could fall asleep before taking my word.

Is it okay to do something mediocre anyway?

No. I prefer it to be okay, but it’s true that it doesn’t bother me at all. To silence any fear we must think that what we fear does not have serious consequences. That way we can be happy even if something “so terrible” happens. Here pressures and fears vanish.

This is where your concept of “needs” comes into play, right?

Exactly. The “need” is the belief that you need a lot to feel good. By eliminating this idea we will overcome many of our fears because we no longer need to make money, have status, do everything right, be treated well, etc.

And when there is no longer the absurd pressure of “having to have it at all costs”, then you live much more relaxed.

This concept of detachment to overcome fears was already inherent in Buddhism

Yes, we share the same idea. The difference is that cognitive psychology teaches us to get rid of “false needs” through a series of arguments.

Going back to the example of public speaking, it took me weeks to understand that it was not important to give my all and I worked out dozens of arguments, until it became clear: it is a process.

Is cognitive therapy an argumentative therapy?

You try to convince the person that you can be happy, for example, without a job or without a partner. We make use of different arguments until the person gets rid of the need that is crushing him and, therefore, of fear. A sort of counter-brainwashing.

Yet very often we are not aware of what causes a particular fear

Exactly. For example, behind work stress usually hides an exaggerated need for financial security and status.

But by studying cognitive psychology on a manual or undergoing a therapy course with a psychologist, we discover that a disproportionate need is hidden within us.

What is the most common fear in psychotherapy sessions?

Fear of change. For example, that of leaving the partner despite the knowledge that they are no longer in love and that the relationship does not work. In these cases, people fear loneliness.

Then there is the fear of changing jobs due to the exaggerated need for economic security. At the end of a course of cognitive therapy, change seems tempting, as well as the most normal thing in the world.

Does cognitive psychology help overcome fears by working on so-called false needs?

Exactly. When you get to the deep conviction that you don’t need to be in “company” all the time or have “solid financial security”, these fears disappear. This change doesn’t happen overnight: you have to work on it.

There is a phrase from St. Francis of Assisi on the needs we have talked about so much

Yes, I like it very much. It is said that in the last years of his life, St. Francis of Assisi said ” I want little and what little I want, I want little “. I’m sure he was a very smart and very happy man.

Don’t we even have to fear death?

Obviously not. Natural and normal death. And it’s even positive. All natural facts are positive, so we shouldn’t be afraid of them.

Thinking about it carefully, and making several considerations, we can lose the fear of death and disease. And it’s easier than it sounds.